I had my first experience with it.
I was already asleep, it woke me up. I know I wasn’t asleep. I am an experienced and frequent lucid dreamer, I can tell the difference between a dream and a dream-like reality. This was different and totally terrifying. I was awoken from my dream by a pressure on my bed. I was laying on my back and felt the mattress concave in to my left. I could not open my eyes, my arms were resting on my chest and stomach and I could not move them or my legs at all no matter how hard I tried. I felt the presence. It felt …. evil but not sinister.. if that makes sense. It leaned over me I felt it rest an arm above my head on my pillow and it lowered its self to my ear and spoke. I couldnt understand the language, it was a low male whispering voice. It sounded like two sentences and I felt its breath on my ear… Then suddenly it was gone. The pressure on my bed and pillow, my arms flew up due to my struggling hard against the paralysis and I was breathing hard. I don’t know if I was crying or not, my eyes were tearing up though. My fear disappeared with it, I was more curious that afraid at that point.
What the actual hell. I dont know what to believe though. I have read the scientific theories and as much as I want to believe this is all in my head, I cant say it is.
What do you guys think?
Mostly with life in general.
Im out of a job again and this time I’ve got even more bills to deal with. My boyfriend has offered to help me, and I really dont think he understands exactly how much that means to me. A freaking lot. No one has ever, ever offered to be there like that for me. But because of my parents and all the battles I watched them go through in my life I am terrified to even think of letting him help me until I get my next good job… Guess Im just going to have to dive into that one :|
Next bone: Skinny life.
I am 5’6” and 115lbs. I am fucking skinny. I can see my collar bone, my hip bones and on occasion my ribs and spine. I’ve never thought anything of this because this is how I have been all of my life. Just is. Dont know what to tell you. I am tired of people telling me I need to gain weight. Or that I look unhealthy. Or that seeing my bones is a turn off.
Impressing the world will never be my intention. If I gain in the future fine, if I dont, FINE. Let people live, dont project your own issues on to them. Because I am going to start being vocal about it and Im sure its going to burn a few of my bridges.
It is now day seven of my hunt for a shiny Zubat. I don’t know if it is going to be possible to keep this going… I have come across four useless shiny Whismurs in the process.
Why do you continue to evade me?!?
…. I wont give up. I’ve come so far… you will be mine…. Crobat….
HOW TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AFTER A LAPSE
1. Recognize that lapsing is a normal part of recovery.
I don’t say that to justify lapsing or use as a cop out when things get difficult. I say it as a reminder that your recovery doesn’t have to be perfect in order to produce results. That said, no one’s recovery is perfect. Everyone has set backs and struggles. Everyone makes mistakes, messes up, and reverts to old behaviors — not because they’re weak or incapable, but because recovery is really, really difficult. Your behaviors helped you cope with trauma and incredible emotional pain. They allowed you to numb out and they kept you afloat when you felt like you were drowning. Letting go of something that helped you survive for so long is not easy. And it doesn’t happen over the course of a few days or months. It’s terrifying, painful, incredibly challenging, and it takes time. So be compassionate with yourself and your process. You’re doing the best you can to fight this and recover and it’s all you can ask of yourself.
2. Use the lapse as a learning experience.
You can’t go back in time and change the fact that you lapsed, but you can choose how you respond to it. You can wallow in self-pity, beat yourself up, and use what happened as an excuse to continue using behaviors. Or you can choose to use what happened as a learning experience. You can look at the lapse as an opportunity to collect important information about what triggers you to use behaviors and what you need in the moment to avoid a future lapse.
3. Be curious.
Judging yourself for having a lapse doesn’t get you anywhere. It makes you feel worse and it keeps you stuck. Instead of feeding the cycle of self-hatred, treat yourself with compassionate curiosity and start asking questions:
What need did you have in the moment that wasn’t being met? Were you feeling lonely? Sad? Depressed? Angry? Hurt? Disappointed? Rejected? Invisible? Inadequate? When you turned to behaviors to cope, what were you really looking for? Did you need to feel safe? Did you need a way to express your feelings? Did you need to feel seen and heard? Did you need a distraction? Comfort? Control? How could you have gotten that need met in a non self-destructive way? And how can you take care of yourself in the future when these triggers come up again?
You don’t have to know the answer to all of these questions right now, but it’s important to start exploring and being curious.
4. Treat yourself like you would a friend.
If you had a friend or loved one who lapsed, you wouldn’t put them down. You wouldn’t call them a failure. You wouldn’t see them as worthless. And you wouldn’t discount all the progress they had made. You would treat them with kindness and compassion. You would give them a hug, remind them of how far they’ve come, and reassure them that just because they had one lapse doesn’t mean they can’t turn things around and get back on track.
Well, you’re not an exception. You deserve to be treated with the same forgiveness and love you would so willingly give to anyone else who was struggling. So when your self-hating thoughts get loud and tell you that you’re a failure for lapsing, challenge them. And if in the moment it’s difficult to be nice to yourself, think of what you would say to someone you care about and apply those positive counters to your own thoughts.
5. Reach out.
Don’t isolate and withdraw. It may feel safer, but it only perpetuates the pain you feel and keeps you stuck. In order to get back on track, you have to talk about what happened. You have to be honest with yourself and your support network. You have to give yourself permission to ask for help, use your voice, and make your needs known. Keeping secrets keeps us sick. If we want to heal, we have to break the silence.
6. Get extra support.
If you’re struggling, you deserve to ask for help. Denying yourself extra support when things start going down hill isn’t noble or self-sacrificing. It’s self-destruction, and it’s a sure-fire way to put yourself at risk for another lapse. There is nothing shameful about asking for more help. It doesn’t make you weak. It doesn’t make you a disappointment. And it doesn’t make you a burden. It makes you someone with the courage to be honest and the strength to make recovery a priority. It makes you determined and admirable and brave. It’s self-care and in order to get back on track and heal, it’s imperative.
7. Focus on progress, not perfection.
One lapse does NOT discount all of the days you went without using behaviors. It doesn’t make you weak or incapable or inadequate. It doesn’t make you a failure or erase your progress, and it definitely doesn’t mean you can’t get better. All a lapse means is that you were hurting so deeply and didn’t know how else to cope. It was a bad decision, but it doesn’t make you a bad person. It makes you human. The lapse was just a bump in your road to recovery, but it doesn’t mean you have to start all over. You’re just continuing your journey right where you left off. So don’t give up. You will get to where you need to be in your own time. Until then, breathe, be patient, and trust that as long as you keep pushing forward, reaching out for help, and picking yourself back up, no matter how many times you lapse, you can and will recover.
Robin Williams was the funniest man to ever live. It was truly a blessing to have grown up on and to have been surrounded by his work as a child. In my life Robin Williams was a constant source of happiness, laughter, and joy. I seriously feel like I’ve lost a close family member; I don’t even know what to say… Robin, thanks so much for all the laughter!
The life you lived, and the work you’ve done, will always be remembered. I look forward to the day I can share in the laughter of your films with my own kids. May you rest in peace.
I couldnt have said it better.
So… My boyfriend wakes me up at 4am this morning, jumping out of his skin asking me what I am going to name the SHINY EEVEE he caught for me! I have the best man on the whole planet :3 he deserves the world for everything he does and more. …. Not even gonna lie, this is the perfect gift. Perfect. #shinyeevee #pokemon #xy #gift #myboyfriendisperfect #ilovehimwithallofme